Quotable Homer Simpson on Prayer

Like many others as they begin the New Year, I am resolving to improve my prayer life. I am starting with committing to the Divine Hours for two weeks for morning and evening. For lunch, I will read a devotional on the Rule of St. Benedict. (I know people generally don't make these kinds of commitments for just two weeks, but when you have an adhd brain, it can be....Hey look! there's a bird out the window!)

I also will turn to Homer Simpson a time or two for inspiration, shall we say. The Simpsons is my favorite TV show, and it always leaves me laughing, sometimes so hard that I'm crying. I love the satire, which also was used by Jesus (think parables, for instance).

Because the best comedy always is rooted in truth, I think it's good to take time to listen to the comedians. I know books and articles have been written about the Gospel and the Simpsons - even CT featured Ned Flanders on its cover - but its fun sometimes to get the information from the original source. I've included here some of Homer's quotes on prayer and some of his "prayer life." Later this week, I will feature the theological wisdom of Homer Simpson.

May we have ears to hear. After all, as Homer says, "...there's a little Homer Simpson in all of us."

HOMER IN and ON PRAYER

Dear God, just give me one channel.

Good drink ... good meat ... good God, let's eat!

Homer: God, if you really are God, you'll get me tickets to that game.
[doorbell rings]
Ned Flanders: Heidely-ho, neighbor. Wanna go to the game with me? I got two tick--
Homer: [slams the door, looks heavenward] Why do you mock me, O Lord?

Hey Flanders, it's no use praying. I already did the same thing, and we can't both win.

And Lord, we are especially thankful for nuclear power, the cleanest, safest energy source there is. Except for solar, which is just a pipe dream.

God : Thou hast forsaken My Church!
Homer : Uh, kind-of ... b-but ...
God : But what
Homer : I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?
God : [pause] Hmm ... You've got a point there.

Lord help me, I'm just not that bright.

Dear God, give a bald guy a break.

Group for shy people

I noticed on Craig's list that there is a group for shy people that meets together about once a month here in Chicago for dinner, coffee, etc.

I would think that would be a difficult group to pull together.

They are meeting at Ann Sather's next month, though, so I just might join them. (In my best homer simpson voice) - mmmmmmmmmmm cinnamon rolls.

Heathen make great Christian films

So why don't more Christians?

The question is explored at Godspy.com in an article by Thom Parham. The article includes the following:

"If you want to send a message, try' Western Union," said Frank Capra, a Christian who made hugely popular mainstream films. Film excels at metaphor—forging a connection between dissimilar objects or themes. It doesn't fare as well with text messaging. Show, don't tell, is the rule of cinema. Christians, however, can't seem to resist the prospect of using film as a high-tech flannel board. The result is more akin to propaganda than art, and propaganda has a nasty habit of hardening hearts.

What other faiths think of Jesus

Bill Tammeus at the Kansas City Star has a column on how other faiths view Jesus.

Jews speak up for "Merry Christmas"

STATEMENT BY DON FEDER AT JAACD PRESS CONFERENCE - "Jews For It’s OK To Say ‘Merry Christmas'"

Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. My name is Don Feder and I’m the president of Jews Against Anti-Christian Defamation. Our organization was founded to provide a Jewish response to anti-Christian bias in the news media, entertainment, government and the culture.

Our board of advisors includes distinguished rabbis, scholars, academics, authors and communicators.

Let me anticipate your first question today: What on earth are we doing here? Why would a group of Jews - who don’t celebrate Christmas - care about the disappearance of Christmas?

Because Christmas is disappearing from our culture, at an ever-accelerating pace - disappearing from stores, disappearing from schools and disappearing from the public square.

Because this is an overwhelmingly Christian nation and it’s a matter of simple courtesy to acknowledge a holiday celebrated by 96% of the American people. Would a Christian living in Israel be offended if someone wished them a Happy Hanukah? Based on population, America is more Christian than Israel is Jewish.

Because religion - all religion which teaches God and morality -- enriches our society, instead of diminishing it.

Because Christmas is part of the fabric of American life, from the earliest settlements on these shores, to the delightful 1897 New York Sun editorial (addressed to a little girl named Virginia), to the troops who celebrated Christmas in Europe and the Pacific during World War II, to classics like "Miracle on 34th. Street," to the Americans serving in Iraq today.

I believe Christmas is under attack primarily for three reasons.

First the tyranny of the hypersensitive -- who’ve decided that they have an inalienable right not to encounter beliefs or symbols different from their own.

But this is supposed to be a democracy. When exactly was a militant and perpetually aggrieved minority given the power to censor the majority religion?

Second, some over-zealous officials have taken it upon themselves to re-interpret the First Amendment to exclude any public recognition of Christmas. But the Supreme Court has never held that Christmas carols or Christmas decorations in schools, or community Christmas trees or Christmas parties are unconstitutional.

Of course, if the politically correct posse can’t get you on constitutional grounds, they always have "sensitivity" or "inclusiveness" to fall back on.

Finally, I believe, there’s a subliminal urge on the part of the cultural elite to undermine America’s Judeo-Christian ethic. By purging public celebrations (or even acknowledgements) of Christmas, they hope move us further down the road to a spiritually sanitized - and spiritually bankrupt -- America, one divorced from biblical values.

Christmas is a subtle reminder that Americans are people of faith.

Jews Against Anti-Christian Defamation is here today to say "enough, already!"

If you’re offended by a municipal Christmas tree or Santa in a holiday parade or a manger in a park - Get over it. There’s a lot that offends me. That doesn’t give me the right to ban it.

If you’re a public-school administrator who thinks Christmas carols or decorations are in violation of the First Amendment, read the Constitution - even in light of the Supreme Court’s current distortions thereof.

If you’re a retailer who does 20% of his business during the Christmas season, and you won’t even acknowledge the holiday that’s enriching you - well, you deserve to lose that business.

The war on Christmas should matter to all people of faith - and all people of good will.

Good News for Cheasters

Cathleen Falsani, the religion writer for the Chicago Sun-Times and a good one at that, has a wonderful column of encouragement for Cheasters - those people who attend church only on Christmas and Easter.

The article begins:

You know who you are.

Twice a year, you find yourself in unfamiliar and discomforting surroundings in a church pew, on Christmas and Easter.

You try to blend in, try to remember the words to the hymn, when to stand, when to sit, when to pray, how much cash to toss into the collection basket, and which way the sign of the cross goes. (Remember: Spectacles, testicles, wallet and watch.) (Scot McKnight recently posted on his blog his practice of making the sign of the cross, but didn't include that helpful hint)

Twice a year -- out of a sense of obligation, guilt or nostalgia, to keep the family peace, to find some inner peace, to sing the carols from childhood -- you drag yourself to the Midnight Mass or the Candlelight Hymn Sing or sung eucharist or morning worship service. On Christmas and Easter.

She offers a few excellent hints to Cheasters, including

--Bring guests: Bring a friend or family member with you to worship, as your regular absence likely will be forgiven if you have a fresh face in tow.

--Bribery is good: Bring a bagful of small stocking-stuffer-type gifts or, better yet, baked goods, to hand out to the pastor and staff. Chocolate covers a multitude of sins.

--On eye contact: Church ladies can smell fear. If you look sheepish about being there, they will feel the need to comfort you. If you smile too big and feign recognition, a socially awkward moment is sure to follow. If you make eye contact, smile confidently, and slowly pan the room.

Most Inspiring Person

Voters at Beliefnet have eschewed the big names and voted for a little known person to be the most inspiring person of 2005. Victoria Ruvolo outpolled the likes of Bono and Rick Warren, who didn't make it to the finals.

It is refreshing and dare I say hopeful in a "Christian" sense that it was the relatively unknown with no media machine behind them who proved to be the most inspiring. (That is not to say all the people on the list weren't inspiring).

As Beliefnet says,

The three finalists selected by our readers Alex Scott, David Rozelle, and Victoria Ruvolo have one thing in common: Each was an “ordinary” person who, when faced with difficult circumstances, did extraordinary things. Each exhibited qualities we wish we had, but fear we don’t.

The cost of motherhood

Slate magazine is running a story on a study that says women in their 20s can dramatically improve their lifetime income potential by delaying having children even a year. The story comments on the methodology as well as the findings. I have no way of judging this story or study but found it interesting.

Creating DNA out of almost nothing at all

The San Diego Union has a well-written article on the incredible promise and terrifying possibilities that come with "synthetic biology. The first graphs are below:

For decades, biologists have modified plants and animals by snipping genes from one organism and popping them into another in a process called genetic engineering. Corn will produce its own pesticide – a toxin harmful to caterpillars – when spiked with a bacterial gene. And copies of the human gene for insulin have been slipped into bacteria, transforming them into biological drug factories and reducing the need to extract the hormone from slaughtered pigs.

Until recently, those useful genes had to be found in nature and transferred from one organism to another. Now our ability to manipulate biology to suit our needs has taken a startling new turn. Scientists are using custom-designed DNA, synthesized from scratch, to create novel biological "circuits" they hope will do anything they can program them to do.

Their goal is to plan new biological tasks, such as detecting pathogens and rendering them harmless, with the kind of precision and control exercised by designers of electrical circuits. They call themselves synthetic biologists, and they have set out to engineer life.

Is this a good idea? The goals sound promising: create tiny packets that travel through the bloodstream to find and treat diseased cells, design cells to generate replacement organs or bridge a severed spinal cord, weave high-tech fabrics of proteins from spider silk.

These possibilities have arisen largely from technical advances over the past few years that have made chemical synthesis of DNA relatively inexpensive. Custom-designed DNA is available by mail and can be ordered through the Internet. Researchers specify the sequence of the gene they desire and pay as little as a dollar per letter of the genetic code.

The problem is that the sequences of dangerous things, such as the virus that caused the 1918 influenza pandemic, are public knowledge. Some worry that a renegade group of synthetic biologists could unleash something horrifying.

"In an overall sense, the security situation is grave," said Roger Brent, president and CEO of Molecular Science Institute in Berkeley. "One can re-synthesize flu. The people who call themselves synthetic biologists didn't bring this situation about, but they bear some measure of the responsibility for keeping us safe."

Christian professor runs for Congress

Though I love living in Chicago, this is a reason I wish I lived in Wheaton, IL. Lindy Scott, a professor at Wheaton College is running on the Democratic ticket for the 6th District. He is running on a consistently pro-life platform. His views are similar to those one might read in books by Ron Sider or Jim Wallis.

Tookie williams, Arnold and Atonement

In denying clemency for Stanley Tookie Williams, Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger discussed issues of atonement and redemption, which have been at the heart of most pleas for the execution to be halted.

"Stanley Williams insists he is innocent, and that he will not and should not apologize or otherwise atone for the murders of the four victims in this case," the governor wrote.

"Without an apology and atonement for these senseless and brutal killings, there can be no redemption."

In addition to insisting his innocence, Williams also has refused to help law enforcement officials with information that could help lead to the arrest of gang members. Williams has written books encouraging kids to stay out of gangs and donated profits to charities working on those issues.

Is Arnold right that there is no redemption without apology - and atonement." Is writing the books and donating the profits atonement?

If the governor is right, how does this fit in our daily lives and the sins we commit against one another? Do we practice it.

Steps 8 and 9 of the Twelve Steps include making a list of all the people a person has harmed and then making amends whenever possible. This is considered an essential step in recovery and redemption.

Your thoughts?

mental illness and crime

As a person with a bipolar disorder, I cringe every time it is reported that a person who has committed a crime or presented a threat to others has a mental illness. The latest case to hit the news is the story of Rigoberto Alpizar, who was shot by an air marshall. I know the stories will only cement the myth that those of us who suffer with a mental illness are bound to be violent.

Some facts:
1 in 4 families have a member diagnosed with a mental illness.

Illnesses such as bipolard disorder (BPD) vary in severity. Many of us never suffer psychosis.

Mental illness most often can be successfully treated.

People with a mental illness do commit serious crimes but are no more likely to commit a violent crime than those without a mental illness. I never have nor desired to commit a violent crime and neither have my friends with BPD. I don't fault the media for mentioning the mental illness as a possible element of the committing of a crime because that is a fact in the story. They just should be ready to write stories that mention what I have written below.

People with a severe mental illness are far more likely to be victims of crime than perpetrators.

Our social welfare and judicial system is in near total disarray - as reported by a number of government commissions. The result is that many don't get the treatment they need. The move from keeping people in hospitals and depending on community health systems has been a disaster. Some people need to be hospitalized - and there are good hospitals when properly funded. The community health centers, where the de-hospitalized are supposed to get treatment are severely underfunded.

We have de-hospitalized but not de-institutionalized people with severe and persistent mental illness. They simply are now in prisons. The Cook County Jail and the Los Angeles jail are among our largest mental health institutions. Many of these mentally ill people would not be there if given appropriate access to treatment.

Our justice system has a nearly impossible standard to meet with an insanity defense, which is irresponsible. Andrea Yates, the Texas mother who drowned her children, still believed Satan lived within her and yet was described as mentally competent to stand trial.

Yates's psychiatrist had prescribed haldol, an extremely powerful drug which generally is given as a last resor, when he should have tried newer meds. Then he abruptly took her off haldol without gradually reducing her dosage and without replacing it with another drug . What Yates did is not a total surprise given the known reactions people have when taken off haldol in the manner mentioned above. Now she is spending the rest of her life in prison.

When a doctor immediately took me off a set of meds and immediately switched me to another set, I suffered mild hallucinations and night terrors.

People, with mental illness often stop taking their meds at least once. Reasons vary. When a person is "normal" again, it is easy to forget the damage (not necessarily violence) that the illness has caused the person physically and socially. Many of the meds have side effects such as impotence, severe weight gain that can be more than 100 pounds in a year or two, nausea and/or tremors. (my hands sometime shake, and people have asked me if I am having alcoholic tremors). These often cause people to stop. (These are not excuses! Just reasons that others should understand).

Most people are not properly diagnosed for 5 to 10 years. Then it is hard to find a right combination of meds, and that combination can need changing. It has taken me several years and I just changed the dosage on mine.

This is something of a rambling post, I realize, but people need to understand that those with a mental illness that is not properly treated do suffer, and that having a mental illness does not make us criminals.

$3 billion so you can watch digital

George Will has an excellent column on Congress' plan to allocate $3 billion to help people buy digital converter boxes so they can watch TV in 2009.

Discovered new music site

I was excited recently to find a music site - Pure Music - that takes artists seriously and has great interviews - avoiding all that "People," "Entertainment" magazine shallow garbage.

Pure music has excellent reviews of artists whose music is well known and obscure. But the interviews are a highlight.

I am a big fan of Buddy and Julie Miller and there is an excellent interview from 2001 that still is equally relevant today. Julie wrote and sang the most beautiful and aching gospel I've every heard.

Among the interviews are
Pierce Pettis (A Bob Smietana favorite).
Allison Krause
John Gorka
David Wilcox

(An aside--you can listen to clips from all the buddy and Julie CDs at their website as well as view all their lyrics. The store isn't working yet, but until then, go to Amazon by using the link at Brad Boydston's site. His church benefits)


Lyrics to Broken Things:

You can have my heart
Though it isn't new
It's been used and broken
And only comes in blue
It's been down a long road
And it got dirty on the way
If I give it to you will you make it clean
And wash the shame away

You can have my heart
If you don't mind broken things
You can have my life if you don't mind these tears
Well I heard that you make old things new
So I give these pieces all to you
If you want it you can have my heart

So beyond repair
Nothing I could do
I tried to fix it myself
But it was only worse when I got through
Then you walked into my darkness
And you speak words so sweet
And you hold me like a child
Till my frozen tears fall at your feet

BMG Songs Inc/Verdugo Music/Word Music(ASCAP)

Can I please just enjoy the movie?

I'm wondering if I'll be able to go to the Narnia flick and just enjoy it, given all the hype. I've been looking forward to seeing the film for a long time, but I'm about tired of it, and it's just coming out today.

Back in November, Hollywood Jesus ran an excellent piece bythe site's senior editor Greg Wright that addressed the marketing of the movie.

It concludes with the words below.


It would also be a shame if non-Christian audiences are so put off by Christian leaders' rather silly band-wagon-hopping enthusiasm for a film they've never actually seen that they skip the film entirely and miss out on what could be the most purely enjoyable moviegoing experience of the season. Here's a personal recommendation: If you're not interested in being preached at, just tell your adult Christian friends that, no, you really don't want to attend a Narnia-themed dinner at the church, and sneak down to your local multiplex when no evangelists are looking to check out the film for yourself. You'd probably cut Saw II that much slack, anyway.

It would be equally sad, of course, if utilitarian-minded Christians missed the fact that films are good for something other than evangelism. And if you don't understand that statement, I really don't know what to say.

Can we all just forget the hype when we finally go to see the movie? I hope so. The worst thing of all would be if Disney ruined the movie's chances by making us all sick of the film before we see it, or by distracting us with a useless and tiresome sideshow. I guess it's up to us to make sure that doesn't happen.