Good News for Cheasters

Cathleen Falsani, the religion writer for the Chicago Sun-Times and a good one at that, has a wonderful column of encouragement for Cheasters - those people who attend church only on Christmas and Easter.

The article begins:

You know who you are.

Twice a year, you find yourself in unfamiliar and discomforting surroundings in a church pew, on Christmas and Easter.

You try to blend in, try to remember the words to the hymn, when to stand, when to sit, when to pray, how much cash to toss into the collection basket, and which way the sign of the cross goes. (Remember: Spectacles, testicles, wallet and watch.) (Scot McKnight recently posted on his blog his practice of making the sign of the cross, but didn't include that helpful hint)

Twice a year -- out of a sense of obligation, guilt or nostalgia, to keep the family peace, to find some inner peace, to sing the carols from childhood -- you drag yourself to the Midnight Mass or the Candlelight Hymn Sing or sung eucharist or morning worship service. On Christmas and Easter.

She offers a few excellent hints to Cheasters, including

--Bring guests: Bring a friend or family member with you to worship, as your regular absence likely will be forgiven if you have a fresh face in tow.

--Bribery is good: Bring a bagful of small stocking-stuffer-type gifts or, better yet, baked goods, to hand out to the pastor and staff. Chocolate covers a multitude of sins.

--On eye contact: Church ladies can smell fear. If you look sheepish about being there, they will feel the need to comfort you. If you smile too big and feign recognition, a socially awkward moment is sure to follow. If you make eye contact, smile confidently, and slowly pan the room.